Yes, folks, I'm done pursuing men (unfortunatley, I'm not really done. Right about now its an appealing thought- that I could and would just give up on it for a while- but then, I know myself too well.) All it brings is aggravation.
....so, tonight I spent the evening trying to gage the interest of this handsome scruffy guy at Feathers (the local gay bar.) Making eye-contact a few times I decided to approach him.....
....for me a big step, considering that I am, in fact, an incredibly socially awkward person. (I know, for the most part, I cover that fact well)....
...anyway, I thought I had a pretty good line. Considering that he had a couple of short, balding older guys who made no being interested in him, I asked how someone can compete with his 'fan club or do I just have to sign up for it."- which elicited a laugh.... Good start right?
That's what I thought too. Despite my attempts to get a conversation going, any attempt at building repore, became flaccid quickly. ...and frankly, I'm pretty sick of putting myself out there for nothing.
I just don't know if it's me or not... and if it is me, what is it about me?
As near as I can figure its one of two things, if its me:
1) I have no game. I'm just a nice guy, who men don't feel threatened by, so they'll talk to me all night, even when they aren't interested....
....case in point, another feathers boy who I have a attempted to hit on a couple times- he'll now say hi to me, but not engage in conversation, now that I've stopped trying to hit on him.
2) Somewhere down deep, my fear of getting hurt is still fucking with my perceptions- Meaning: I don't want to be hurt so I'm picking boys out of my league, and approaching them, instead of boys on my own level.
....I think this might be true, because it isn't like nobody is into me. But the boys who are into me- I completely unsure about.... is there potential with some of them? - possibly. -Have any of them drawn me like the boys I don't seem to get? -That would be a big fat 'no.'
....so, What are everyone's thoughts?
Do I need to work on my flirting skills, or just get real with what I am looking for in a boy?
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