I don't want a boyfriend???

This seems so foreign to me. I used to be monogamy boy... on the search for te love of my life.

I recently became determined that the end of only long-term relationship was not going to 'break' me. I felt like I should get back on the horse and ride. (take that how you will.)

But lately I have realize whenever the prospect of having another boyfriend, or even just going on a date with guy comes along I pull back, close off...

I need to figure out exactly why, and is it a healthy function or a unhealthy one:

The natural first question is: Is this simply my broken heart, shielding myself from potentially getting hurt? Not that that in and of itself would be a bad thing. Why get burned again if you can avoid it. If I'm not ready, I'm not ready, right?

But what if its something less functional... What if not being over my Ex is blocking me from experiencing relationships with other people? That's My fear and my drive to "get back out there"

At the same time I don't want to limit myself... Unfortunately, making my last relationship work for as long as it, meant I gave up on building friendships and relationships outside of that one relationship. If I start dating, do I fall back into that trap? Putting my love life above other relationships in my life.

Ideally, I would love to be able to walk into a the local gay bar and know most of the boys there, and just have some nice convos with people.... and I think about my one long-term relationship, how did it grow? We were friends for almost an entire year before we dated. Do I need that period of relationship and trust building in order to truly be intimate with someone. What Greg and I had was unlike any other relationship I've had... because first and foremost we had built friendships.

But is it unrealistic to think that that is the only way to build a relationship? Shouldn't I be able to date, and take it slow, and build that intimacy as well?

Another thing I keep thinking about is trusting my own instincts. If I don't feel like someone has that special thing, that complete magic... maybe I just need to trust myself enough to know that I know. Stop trying to make things happen just because someone is nice and cute... Maybe the key is being okay with wading through a cople guy quickly and saying 'you don't have to make it work with them romantically' Wait it out until there is that special spark with someone.

So welcome to my neurotic little brain...

Any thoughts?